Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and it brings up so many mixed feelings for people. It's supposed to be a day we celebrate the people we love most in our life. A lover, spouse, our kids, special friends - all those could be put into the mix. I see a lot of longing in the eyes of those coming into the store these days, and I'm convinced that what they seek is a lot more than a simple "I love you". Based on some comments I've heard, intimacy is the missing factor.
What is intimacy? Manya's definition has intimacy as a safe meeting of the minds. First of all, it must be a safe place. Far too often, we move away from that safe place after the romantic bloom has faded. Life gets hectic, conflicts arise, disagreements leave us feeling undervalued, unheard, and dehumanized. Clearly, that's not a very safe place to be. So we start closing those formerly-open doors one by one, and before you know it, very few remain open. We share less and less with each other.
How sad it is that you share so many things with a person (i.e. living space, refrigerator space, household tasks, child-rearing tasks, a few similarities in music and movie choices) and yet feel quite alone at the same time. There may not be a lonelier feeling on the planet.
Secondly, it's a meeting of the minds. It seems to me that true intimacy can only take place between those who share similar values and goals. That might be one of the reasons you feel safe with a person - because you think a lot alike. Or at least you used to.
This Valentine's Day, re-claim that intimacy by arranging for a special time that just the two of you share. Think about that sharing of the minds, and choose one of those shared things to re-create in your home, or some other special place. Set the scene with things you know you both enjoy. It could be candles everywhere, a bottle of wine, and some great cheese and crackers. Turn off all phones, pagers, and other communication devices so you have uninterrupted time. Tell each other stories about those early days when you began to learn about all the ways your minds met, and how amazing that felt!
Someone's got to take the first step. Everyone on this planet wants to be known. And then to be loved for being known so deeply - flaws and all. It is always so risky to open up and reveal those not so pretty parts of oneself. Remember - you had that at one time with your lover. He or she is probably missing it too, and regretting its loss. So be brave. Take that step. It's going to be scary, but the rewards are great! It might be awkward at first, because your lover is feeling insecure about things too. Just hold on tight, knowing that if you can break through the barriers, that wonderful place can be yours to share again.
That's my wish for you all this Valentine's Day. Let me know what happens...
Manya
Manya Vee Selects
409 Main St
Edmonds, WA 98020
ManyaVeeSelects.com
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